Thank you for sharing this. The line that stayed with me was, "Was any of it real?" I think that's the question betrayal leaves behind. It doesn't only change how we see the other person—it changes how we remember the entire relationship.
Beautiful sentiments. I watched my nieces and nephew go through them when my sister suddenly passed away at 39. Even though we gave them as much love as possible. It still left its confusion on each of them. The oldest was 9, sister was 5, and brother was 3. They are adults now and each struggle to find that place where love stays.
I’m so sorry. Losing their mother at such young ages must have left a wound that all the love around them couldn’t completely fill. “Trying to find that place where love stays” is such a heartbreaking way to put it. I hope they each find that place. 💕
Jesus. We really are soul sisters. I could’ve written this (aside from mom dying when I was 4). But, dude, yeah. Conditional love, was any of it real? Was I just dumb to trust? I get it.
And Stevie Nicks sings with an eerie desperation and I am here for it. Every time. Every song.
Soul sisters for sure. And yes, the “was any of it real?” part is the worst. I hate that so many of us understand that feeling, but I am glad Im not alone in it. And Stevie’s eerie desperation is exactly it. Every time. She sounds like she gets it.
Do you think we are born INFJ or just become so? Just asking. I’ve done that quiz at least five times at decade intervals .. always INFJ though a bit more to the middle as I learned professional skills. My mother died when I was a small child too. I think it gives a sensitivity to what? who? how? where? a sort of psychic scanning that others more secure in love and the rituals of life, simply do not have. And honestly I’ve found many do not like it.
This is such a heartbreaking and honest reflection. The idea that love can be real and still not be enough to keep someone here, that really stayed with me. And I love that after everything, you still choose to believe in love. That's a beautiful kind of resilience
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this, and all the help you’ve already given me. That idea, that love can be real and still not be enough to keep someone here, is the part that stayed with me too. Somehow, after everything, I still want to believe in it!
I still believe in love, though far less innocently than I once did. Your mother’s death did not make her love unreal; it revealed that love cannot protect us from mortality. What came later was different: people choosing to make affection conditional upon usefulness, silence, obedience, or ease. Much of what calls itself love is possession, dependency, fear, or bargain spoken in love’s vocabulary. I no longer accept the declaration as evidence.
Love worth the name must be recognised partly by what it refuses to do: turn care into leverage, generosity into debt, need into shame, or another person’s freedom into betrayal. Perhaps belief after disillusion is not certainty. It is simply the refusal to let the counterfeits define the real.
Sara, this is such a thoughtful response. I keep coming back to what you said about refusing to let the counterfeits define the real. That feels right, thats what believing in love looks like for me now, not innocence or certainty, but learning to recognize what love is not and still refusing to give up on what it can be. Thank you for taking this so seriously and meeting me so deeply in it.
This one stayed with me because it doesn't ask us to believe that love never wounds us. It asks whether we're willing to keep believing after it does.
The line "I thought love meant I was safe. Apparently, it doesn't. But somehow, I still believe in love." carries so much quiet courage. It's easy to believe in love before loss. Believing after illusion has shattered is something entirely different. Thank you for writing with such honesty.
Thank you so much. I’m so glad it stayed with you! “Quiet courage” got me. That’s exactly what it feels like, not certainty, just choosing not to give up on love completely. I really appreciate this.
Ughhhh ‘It was, Was any of it real? Did I misunderstand the whole relationship? How could someone who loved me do this?’ Yes … 😢💔… I know that exact feeling - it’s so enormous and disorienting… I need to go listen to that song you mentioned now x thanks for writing this so beautifully .. it made me reflect 🌸
Every person who withdrew affection, rewrote the relationship, or made me question whether I ever mattered brought me back to that same four-year-old realization:
This resonates for me. My mother died when I was two and then at four we relocated literally to the other side of the world. I was much loved yet as I said above I think those losses left left me with a kind of psychic sensitivity, always noting what others gestures, words, or what I sensed their feelings were, might mean. As to love staying, you are right many relationships are conditional and sometimes I have also chosen that. My longest truest loves have been for family members and some long term friends where loyalty now spans more than fifty years. As for another romance well who knows? I’m not against it but I don’t need a romantic relationship to feel safe or to love and be loved , though I might not say no either! Best with your journey I’m glad you believe in love. 💚🌺
And you should never stop believing in love ❤️
This felt incredibly honest. Despite everything you've been through, the fact that you still believe in love says a lot about your heart.
Thank you for sharing this. The line that stayed with me was, "Was any of it real?" I think that's the question betrayal leaves behind. It doesn't only change how we see the other person—it changes how we remember the entire relationship.
No
lol I get it
Beautiful sentiments. I watched my nieces and nephew go through them when my sister suddenly passed away at 39. Even though we gave them as much love as possible. It still left its confusion on each of them. The oldest was 9, sister was 5, and brother was 3. They are adults now and each struggle to find that place where love stays.
I’m so sorry. Losing their mother at such young ages must have left a wound that all the love around them couldn’t completely fill. “Trying to find that place where love stays” is such a heartbreaking way to put it. I hope they each find that place. 💕
Thank you. I’ve tried to provide them with love as much as I can.
So beautiful
thank you Hina!
Really beautiful and touching kate, appreciate you sharing and here is to that belief have a good one!!
This was such a heartfelt and meaningful piece. Lovely work.
Jesus. We really are soul sisters. I could’ve written this (aside from mom dying when I was 4). But, dude, yeah. Conditional love, was any of it real? Was I just dumb to trust? I get it.
And Stevie Nicks sings with an eerie desperation and I am here for it. Every time. Every song.
Soul sisters for sure. And yes, the “was any of it real?” part is the worst. I hate that so many of us understand that feeling, but I am glad Im not alone in it. And Stevie’s eerie desperation is exactly it. Every time. She sounds like she gets it.
Yes! Know who else gets me? Leonard Cohen. Nick Cave. Billy Corgan. Micheal Stipe. All these INFJs just see me.
Do you think we are born INFJ or just become so? Just asking. I’ve done that quiz at least five times at decade intervals .. always INFJ though a bit more to the middle as I learned professional skills. My mother died when I was a small child too. I think it gives a sensitivity to what? who? how? where? a sort of psychic scanning that others more secure in love and the rituals of life, simply do not have. And honestly I’ve found many do not like it.
I absolutely believe we’re born that way and that external contributing factors can also play a part. Both can be true.
🌺
This is such a heartbreaking and honest reflection. The idea that love can be real and still not be enough to keep someone here, that really stayed with me. And I love that after everything, you still choose to believe in love. That's a beautiful kind of resilience
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this, and all the help you’ve already given me. That idea, that love can be real and still not be enough to keep someone here, is the part that stayed with me too. Somehow, after everything, I still want to believe in it!
I still believe in love, though far less innocently than I once did. Your mother’s death did not make her love unreal; it revealed that love cannot protect us from mortality. What came later was different: people choosing to make affection conditional upon usefulness, silence, obedience, or ease. Much of what calls itself love is possession, dependency, fear, or bargain spoken in love’s vocabulary. I no longer accept the declaration as evidence.
Love worth the name must be recognised partly by what it refuses to do: turn care into leverage, generosity into debt, need into shame, or another person’s freedom into betrayal. Perhaps belief after disillusion is not certainty. It is simply the refusal to let the counterfeits define the real.
Sara, this is such a thoughtful response. I keep coming back to what you said about refusing to let the counterfeits define the real. That feels right, thats what believing in love looks like for me now, not innocence or certainty, but learning to recognize what love is not and still refusing to give up on what it can be. Thank you for taking this so seriously and meeting me so deeply in it.
Thank you for writing:)
This one stayed with me because it doesn't ask us to believe that love never wounds us. It asks whether we're willing to keep believing after it does.
The line "I thought love meant I was safe. Apparently, it doesn't. But somehow, I still believe in love." carries so much quiet courage. It's easy to believe in love before loss. Believing after illusion has shattered is something entirely different. Thank you for writing with such honesty.
Thank you so much. I’m so glad it stayed with you! “Quiet courage” got me. That’s exactly what it feels like, not certainty, just choosing not to give up on love completely. I really appreciate this.
Ughhhh ‘It was, Was any of it real? Did I misunderstand the whole relationship? How could someone who loved me do this?’ Yes … 😢💔… I know that exact feeling - it’s so enormous and disorienting… I need to go listen to that song you mentioned now x thanks for writing this so beautifully .. it made me reflect 🌸
This made me think how stupid we are to thik that if you love someone, they'll will stay forever as if we are denying the ultimate truth: death.
A great read🙌🏻
Love is pure
And definitely everyone should believe in love.
Thanks for sharing and keep writing 💫
Just highlighting this part
Every person who withdrew affection, rewrote the relationship, or made me question whether I ever mattered brought me back to that same four-year-old realization:
I thought love meant I was safe.
Apparently, it doesn’t.
But somehow, I still believe in love.
This resonates for me. My mother died when I was two and then at four we relocated literally to the other side of the world. I was much loved yet as I said above I think those losses left left me with a kind of psychic sensitivity, always noting what others gestures, words, or what I sensed their feelings were, might mean. As to love staying, you are right many relationships are conditional and sometimes I have also chosen that. My longest truest loves have been for family members and some long term friends where loyalty now spans more than fifty years. As for another romance well who knows? I’m not against it but I don’t need a romantic relationship to feel safe or to love and be loved , though I might not say no either! Best with your journey I’m glad you believe in love. 💚🌺