I have devout Buddhist friend who told me, especially with those who feel deeply, that it’s about enjoying the experience, whether suffering or joy, because you don’t control anything except your own perception. It hurts. Learn from it. It feels incredible. Learn from it. We write the narrative. That’s why I love storytelling, and the advice I got from one mentor who said that all characters should act at maximum capacity, meaning that, despite all intelligence and planning, the world is going to throw them a curveball. The drama is how they handle it. Being alive is about the spectrum of existence, and how we cope with it is our fate to decide.
I love this perspective. We don’t control the events, but we do shape the meaning they carry. Writing this book was my way of understanding the life I found myself in and in some ways, choosing it. Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment!
I’ve spent a lot of time in that space too. I don’t know that the question ever fully leaves, but writing about it helped me learn how to live alongside it. Thank you so much for reading & for sharing your experience.
Felt this deeply! I think many of us are sitting with that same question: 'if I chose this life, why?'. There’s so much truth in your realization that the empathy you carry was shaped by that early loss. Sending you some strength for the weight of it all today.
I’ve come to believe that yes, we are fulfilling a sole contract. We chose our lessons before we incarnated. I didn’t believe that until recently, but, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Earth is our school. We learn what our sole needs….and then we graduate. Perhaps the next life, if you so choose to come back, is softer…easier…roles are reversed. Who knows. Empaths carry an awful lot. I’ve thought and thought and thought on this…because I also have no idea why I would have chosen this life, but, I’m going to graduate this time so I don’t have to do this lesson over. I get it. Thank you very much. I’ve also understood that you come to this life with 1000 veils and your job while here is to remove as many as you can. The more veils you remove, the more you remember your purpose and who you really are. And purpose….thats where the good stuff is. I’ve been working on it everyday for a year now. It’s slow, but, clarity does come. You’ve got this…one veil at a time….if you believe that.❤️
I was lucky to find similar beliefs recently. Life has become much easier to navigate since.
I also believe we chose the lessons, not the events. Shitty part is if we choose not to learn a lesson in life, it will come back again later - and with renewed ambition to get you to learn it!
I often feel like this. You are not alone. I think we all feel like this at some point. We aren't designed to carry these loads all alone. Thank you for being vulnerable with us readers. 🖤🫶
This is one of the deeper and most complex questions in the realm of spirituality. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to answer. One thing my teacher says is that that life doesn’t have a purpose, life IS a purpose. And through the lense of a higher awareness that purpose is about taking the pain and the loss and the suffering and transmuting it, healing it. This is of course a simple statement around a large subject.
I’m also deeply empathetic, and when I was younger it almost destroyed me. Learning meditation, developing a connection with spirit- or something high than myself has taught me how to feel everything, sit with it, breathe with it, and then release it to the Divine Mother or whoever you believe is out there. Trying to deal with these large emotions without a method for transition and release can cause so many issues.
Here’s a podcast episode that talks about this idea better than I am able to in this moment.
Also, I’m sorry for the unsolicited advice. It’s just I spent a lot of my life struggling with these concepts, and I can share through lived experience that there is a way to alchemize all of it. 🐺🖤
I appreciate this perspective, and the generosity in sharing it. I don’t know that I’ve found answers, but writing helped me learn how to live with the questions. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to respond so thoughtfully.
A friend told me that once, too, said we choose our parents before birth. A ridiculous notion from one of her 'self help books' that made a profit giving lost people something wacky to believe so they don't have to go to therapy. Nothing happens for a reason, our suffering was never self-chosen. I love your writing, ty for sharing
I think a lot of things happen for a reason but I also think a lot do not. I say my pain made me softer but in reality it was me. Because I didnt want anyone else to endure the things I endured.
At the same time im not sure i would take any of it back because i like who I am becoming
"Ten spears go to battle,” he whispered, “and nine shatter. Did that war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” -Brandon Sanderson
Feeling deeply in this broken world is so hard and a truly difficult thing to endure.. especially in a world full of people who can't even love themselves
You ask the questions so many people carry quietly, and you do it without pretending there are neat answers. What comes through most strongly isn’t anger. it’s empathy, the kind that comes from having felt too much and still choosing to care. That’s a heavy gift to carry, and you name it with courage. Thank you for trusting readers with something this real; it will make people feel far less alone.
Thank you for this. I never know how these pieces will land, so hearing that you felt seen — and that it helped you feel less alone — really stays with me. I appreciate you taking the time to read and reflect so thoughtfully.
I am struck by this post. Because I felt like I was the one asking the questions. Brilliantly written I went from reader to being completely in the moment with you.
Of course you did. Things are hard, but that’s why we chose it. I went through a lot growing up and I’m still going through a lot now. Intellectually, I understand why I chose this but emotionally I’m still in the mix.
I chose this life because I believed I would come out of the fear and rejection better than I ever would have. I need you to have hope that you’ll rise out of it too if you don’t already.
I have devout Buddhist friend who told me, especially with those who feel deeply, that it’s about enjoying the experience, whether suffering or joy, because you don’t control anything except your own perception. It hurts. Learn from it. It feels incredible. Learn from it. We write the narrative. That’s why I love storytelling, and the advice I got from one mentor who said that all characters should act at maximum capacity, meaning that, despite all intelligence and planning, the world is going to throw them a curveball. The drama is how they handle it. Being alive is about the spectrum of existence, and how we cope with it is our fate to decide.
I love this perspective. We don’t control the events, but we do shape the meaning they carry. Writing this book was my way of understanding the life I found myself in and in some ways, choosing it. Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment!
Your questions resonate with a part of me that still sometimes screams into the void asking WHY!?
I found peace after countless hours spent on this exact same train of thought... Initially nihilism was the answer I needed.
"Nothing matters, so you might as well have fun anyway". It became a dangerous game of apathy.
Then, a book found me. Between Death & Life, by Dolores Cannon.
I've written about my views on the subject of reincarnation before, and would love to have a conversation about it if you have any questions. https://open.substack.com/pub/relativelyperfect/p/my-humble-thoughts-about-reincarnation?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
I’ve spent a lot of time in that space too. I don’t know that the question ever fully leaves, but writing about it helped me learn how to live alongside it. Thank you so much for reading & for sharing your experience.
Felt this deeply! I think many of us are sitting with that same question: 'if I chose this life, why?'. There’s so much truth in your realization that the empathy you carry was shaped by that early loss. Sending you some strength for the weight of it all today.
Thank you so much and for reading it so closely …
I’ve come to believe that yes, we are fulfilling a sole contract. We chose our lessons before we incarnated. I didn’t believe that until recently, but, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Earth is our school. We learn what our sole needs….and then we graduate. Perhaps the next life, if you so choose to come back, is softer…easier…roles are reversed. Who knows. Empaths carry an awful lot. I’ve thought and thought and thought on this…because I also have no idea why I would have chosen this life, but, I’m going to graduate this time so I don’t have to do this lesson over. I get it. Thank you very much. I’ve also understood that you come to this life with 1000 veils and your job while here is to remove as many as you can. The more veils you remove, the more you remember your purpose and who you really are. And purpose….thats where the good stuff is. I’ve been working on it everyday for a year now. It’s slow, but, clarity does come. You’ve got this…one veil at a time….if you believe that.❤️
I was lucky to find similar beliefs recently. Life has become much easier to navigate since.
I also believe we chose the lessons, not the events. Shitty part is if we choose not to learn a lesson in life, it will come back again later - and with renewed ambition to get you to learn it!
I pray I've learned it... thank you both so much for your thoughtful comments. 💜
I often feel like this. You are not alone. I think we all feel like this at some point. We aren't designed to carry these loads all alone. Thank you for being vulnerable with us readers. 🖤🫶
This is one of the deeper and most complex questions in the realm of spirituality. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to answer. One thing my teacher says is that that life doesn’t have a purpose, life IS a purpose. And through the lense of a higher awareness that purpose is about taking the pain and the loss and the suffering and transmuting it, healing it. This is of course a simple statement around a large subject.
I’m also deeply empathetic, and when I was younger it almost destroyed me. Learning meditation, developing a connection with spirit- or something high than myself has taught me how to feel everything, sit with it, breathe with it, and then release it to the Divine Mother or whoever you believe is out there. Trying to deal with these large emotions without a method for transition and release can cause so many issues.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/chandresh-b-presents-the-leela-show/id1451385195?i=1000440118055
Here’s a podcast episode that talks about this idea better than I am able to in this moment.
Also, I’m sorry for the unsolicited advice. It’s just I spent a lot of my life struggling with these concepts, and I can share through lived experience that there is a way to alchemize all of it. 🐺🖤
I appreciate this perspective, and the generosity in sharing it. I don’t know that I’ve found answers, but writing helped me learn how to live with the questions. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to respond so thoughtfully.
A friend told me that once, too, said we choose our parents before birth. A ridiculous notion from one of her 'self help books' that made a profit giving lost people something wacky to believe so they don't have to go to therapy. Nothing happens for a reason, our suffering was never self-chosen. I love your writing, ty for sharing
I think a lot of things happen for a reason but I also think a lot do not. I say my pain made me softer but in reality it was me. Because I didnt want anyone else to endure the things I endured.
At the same time im not sure i would take any of it back because i like who I am becoming
"Ten spears go to battle,” he whispered, “and nine shatter. Did that war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” -Brandon Sanderson
Feeling deeply in this broken world is so hard and a truly difficult thing to endure.. especially in a world full of people who can't even love themselves
I love this point of view.
Pain don't make us softer, it teaches us how to avoid the same pain in the future... By learning the lesson, you break the cycle.
That's a really good quote about the spear <3
You ask the questions so many people carry quietly, and you do it without pretending there are neat answers. What comes through most strongly isn’t anger. it’s empathy, the kind that comes from having felt too much and still choosing to care. That’s a heavy gift to carry, and you name it with courage. Thank you for trusting readers with something this real; it will make people feel far less alone.
Thank you for this. I never know how these pieces will land, so hearing that you felt seen — and that it helped you feel less alone — really stays with me. I appreciate you taking the time to read and reflect so thoughtfully.
I am struck by this post. Because I felt like I was the one asking the questions. Brilliantly written I went from reader to being completely in the moment with you.
Thank you — I’m really glad it landed the way it did. “Invited into the choice” is exactly what I hoped for.
Mission Accomplished
Of course you did. Things are hard, but that’s why we chose it. I went through a lot growing up and I’m still going through a lot now. Intellectually, I understand why I chose this but emotionally I’m still in the mix.
I chose this life because I believed I would come out of the fear and rejection better than I ever would have. I need you to have hope that you’ll rise out of it too if you don’t already.
Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate your honesty.
Well written
Thank you so much for reading 💜❤️💙
Beautiful! You write so powerfully. Your words make me feel it all so much, squeezing my soul and taking my breath away.
Thank you.
I never know how these pieces will hit someone else, so hearing that it moved you..that you felt it…means everything.
This made me cry.
Virtual hug and tissue....
Raw and Deeply Touching!!!
Ty so much for talking the time to read!! So appreciated
wow amazing
Ty so much for reading!!