Oof. “He was lying because he wanted to” really says it all. That is such a brutal thing to have to see clearly, and I’m really sorry you lived it too.
Oof, these games feel so elementary. Yet adults keep playing them. People really do show you who they are. Sorry you experienced this. I often feel like I’m on the side of getting overlooked in the workplace because I set healthy boundaries. Hard to prove of course but when you feel it you feel it!
My boss did the same thing to me last year in a Christian ministry organization. I tried to believe the best and give him the benefit of the doubt each time I saw him doing something to minimize my role, move me over, and make me easier to “let go”
About 4 months out of that situation, I have been able to acknowledge that he wasn’t acting in ignorance, nor was he being godly or kind. He was doing what he had the power to do regardless of my performance or qualifications because he likes someone better than me. He was lying because he wanted to.
This is so shocking !! It’s disheartening to see how personal lives can be scrutinized and used against someone in the workplace. I hope this story sparks a conversation about the importance of integrity and fairness in professional environments.
This could easily go unnoticed amidst your smooth writing and the story, but it definitely caught my attention: ‘That is not my most evolved thought, but it is an honest one.’
Because it speaks raw truth. And I’m here for that. It keeps you human amongst the pain and enlightenment. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you. I wanted to leave that line exactly as it was because it felt more honest than trying to sound above it. My view of the person reporting also changed once I had been on the receiving end of that kind of selective treatment.
Amazing. I read this piece as I started reading “Let Them”. Let them when they are hurting you. Let them screw you over. Let my daughter not talk to me for 4 years and I have no idea why. I guess when you can’t change things it may be a good attitude? Still reading…
A very transparent piece. I am really sorry you had to face that experience especially when you worked hard and were even understanding about it. Bias and selectively can really impact people who actually put in the work. But I'm really happy to see that you were able to differentiate performative thoughts of "let them" with the urge to make them pay.. I feel like it will better help you set better boundaries. I think I will after reading this.
This is an honest piece! The pacing here is masterfully done. You’re telling a story here about the cost of keeping a ledger in your head, and it’s a story a lot of people need to hear.
Erasure is one of those things that once you realized it was happening, and it happened, you cannot ever ever everrrrr unsee it. And I don't think there's any coming back from it nor ever looking at whoever it is that did the thing the same again.
Really made me think! But I think it does a disservice to compare yourself to a man having an inappropriate relationship with a younger colleague. I don’t see that as him getting thrown under the bus, but rather the appropriate action for what violates most company policies and is predatory. What happened to you is awful and uncalled for. What happened to him was cause and effect.
That is fair, and maybe I did not make that distinction clearly enough. I was not saying he was innocent. I was saying my company picked and chose what behavior mattered depending on who it was and what was convenient.
Oof. “He was lying because he wanted to” really says it all. That is such a brutal thing to have to see clearly, and I’m really sorry you lived it too.
Oof, these games feel so elementary. Yet adults keep playing them. People really do show you who they are. Sorry you experienced this. I often feel like I’m on the side of getting overlooked in the workplace because I set healthy boundaries. Hard to prove of course but when you feel it you feel it!
I get this completely. A lot of it is hard to prove, but the pattern has a way of making itself known.
💯
My boss did the same thing to me last year in a Christian ministry organization. I tried to believe the best and give him the benefit of the doubt each time I saw him doing something to minimize my role, move me over, and make me easier to “let go”
About 4 months out of that situation, I have been able to acknowledge that he wasn’t acting in ignorance, nor was he being godly or kind. He was doing what he had the power to do regardless of my performance or qualifications because he likes someone better than me. He was lying because he wanted to.
This is so shocking !! It’s disheartening to see how personal lives can be scrutinized and used against someone in the workplace. I hope this story sparks a conversation about the importance of integrity and fairness in professional environments.
Thank you. That was part of what bothered me most too, how selectively integrity and fairness seemed to apply.
This could easily go unnoticed amidst your smooth writing and the story, but it definitely caught my attention: ‘That is not my most evolved thought, but it is an honest one.’
Because it speaks raw truth. And I’m here for that. It keeps you human amongst the pain and enlightenment. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you. I wanted to leave that line exactly as it was because it felt more honest than trying to sound above it. My view of the person reporting also changed once I had been on the receiving end of that kind of selective treatment.
Amazing. I read this piece as I started reading “Let Them”. Let them when they are hurting you. Let them screw you over. Let my daughter not talk to me for 4 years and I have no idea why. I guess when you can’t change things it may be a good attitude? Still reading…
A very transparent piece. I am really sorry you had to face that experience especially when you worked hard and were even understanding about it. Bias and selectively can really impact people who actually put in the work. But I'm really happy to see that you were able to differentiate performative thoughts of "let them" with the urge to make them pay.. I feel like it will better help you set better boundaries. I think I will after reading this.
Thank you. That really means a lot. I think that was part of the shift for me too. “Let them” only works up to a point.
Wow! So sorry you had to experience this! I feel like adulting is just high school on fire! So sorry!
ty so much! I'm in a better place for sure but it definitely still stings.
I'm sure! 😔
This is an honest piece! The pacing here is masterfully done. You’re telling a story here about the cost of keeping a ledger in your head, and it’s a story a lot of people need to hear.
Erasure is one of those things that once you realized it was happening, and it happened, you cannot ever ever everrrrr unsee it. And I don't think there's any coming back from it nor ever looking at whoever it is that did the thing the same again.
Yes. Exactly. Once you realize how it happened, there is really no going back to how you saw things before. ty so much for your comment
Seven years and he paid you back in whispers?
Just give me the signal and I'll send sweets to his house asap.
Beautifully written
It's truly unfortunate that” this bitterness continues to affect the workplace. Thank you for sharing such an insightful post.
Really made me think! But I think it does a disservice to compare yourself to a man having an inappropriate relationship with a younger colleague. I don’t see that as him getting thrown under the bus, but rather the appropriate action for what violates most company policies and is predatory. What happened to you is awful and uncalled for. What happened to him was cause and effect.
That is fair, and maybe I did not make that distinction clearly enough. I was not saying he was innocent. I was saying my company picked and chose what behavior mattered depending on who it was and what was convenient.
The part where you were basically made to help prepare your own replacement..? That particular kind of cruelty did me bad...
Beautiful post!